Heather Eldred » personal growth

Learn to say “no” to achieve your dreams

Heather — Fri, 15 Aug 2014 15:59:13 +0000

I had a great conversation with a friend yesterday that inspired me to share her story and great tips. Barbara (all names have been changed to protect the innocent) is a young professional that would like to get involved in management and be a leader in her company. She’s felt frustrated in the past because while her co-workers genuinely value her “get it done attitude”, teamwork and appreciate that she’ll jump in and help with anything – she doesn’t think they see her as a leader. At first she was upset that no one really took her seriously, but now she has taken her career growth into her own hands. One of the hardest (and maybe not intuitive) things she had to do was to quit saying “yes” all the time. In my experience most of us are either “yes” or “no” people. By this I mean our first impulse when asked to do something is to either say yes or no. This instant answer (regardless of if you are the yes guy or the no guy) should be tempered. If you generally say “no” (particularly if it “isn’t my job”) to requests, you will rarely have an opportunity to try new things, grow or work with new people. You won’t have the opportunity to discover some of your own hidden talents and passions. And from your peer’s and supervisor’s perspective, at a minimum you’ll get pigeon holed – people won’t even consider you for new assignments. But even worse, they’ll feel you aren’t a team player. You aren’t someone they can depend on. I think most of us understand the pitfalls in being the “no” guy. And probably if you are a “no” guy, you already recognize it and are working on it. But I bet most of us don’t get and maybe some of you won’t even buy into the fact that being the “yes” guy can have pitfalls as well. Barbara realized that while she was well liked and everyone wanted her on their team, she wasn’t standing out as a leader or a real expert. But instead of blaming others for not giving her opportunities, she took it on herself to develop the skills and experience that is needed to become a leader – and this started with knowing when to say NO. Barbara knew that she needed to work hard to become a leader – she needed to gain skills but also needed opportunities where her co-workers could see her in a leadership role. But she knows that just adding more hours in her workday wasn’t the answer either. Barbara has already seen the benefits of work-life balance. She needed to find ways to spend more of her time on the tasks that will get her to her goals without adding hours to her day. These are the tips she shared with me: 1) Track and review where you spend your time. If you don’t know what you are spending time on now, you can’t make […]

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The 80/20 Principal

Heather — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 01:35:26 +0000

One of the biggest challenges people face is how to balance work, family, friends, spirituality, obligations and play. As you become more successful, learning how to do this juggling act is even more critical. Let’s face it, most C-level business execs are not happy people. They are stressed, unhealthy and increasingly frazzled keeping up in the ever increasing frenzy of the “rat race”. Even if they have time to stop and realize that they are these things, most figure it is just part of the job or don’t really know how to do un-do it. Historically, achieving the ‘American Dream’ has involved working your ass off, making sacrifices and ultimately choosing career as a priority over the rest of the areas of your life. I’m living proof that there is a better way. I’m an executive of a large company and I work 32 hours a week. I’ve come a long way from 60 hour a week burn out, plugged in 24/7. While it has been work in progress (and still is), the principal below started me moving in the right direction. Ironically I researched the principal in order to become more successful in running the business and ultimately became more successful in running myself. The 80/20 principal is my go-to theory on how to live a balanced life. What is the 80/20 principal? The 80/20 Rule means that in anything a few (20 percent) are vital and many (80 percent) are trivial. In 1906, Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto created a mathematical formula to describe the unequal distribution of wealth in his country, observing that twenty percent of the people owned eighty percent of the wealth. Pareto’s Principle or Pareto’s Law, as it is sometimes called, can be a very effective tool to help you manage your business and life effectively. The main premise behind the theory is that if you focus on the 20 percent that matters (and only pay minor attention to the 80 percent that is trivial), you can do a lot less and achieve the highest results. Before I even knew anything about this theory, I started unconsciously applying this is my business life. I remember being a fresh analyst and working with a guy that had multiple MBAs and seemed brilliant (just ask him!). He worked 12-15 hour days for weeks, developing a rate development model that he would later need to defend in court. He spent so much time on the minutiae and then ran out of time and spent very little time on the two variables that greatly impacted the resulting rates. I remember thinking (although I was new and really didn’t know much about the subject matter) that there was something wrong with this picture. Sure enough, in court, he got torn apart on the two major variables and very little time was spent all the elements that he had spent so much time on (because they really didn’t have much impact on the overall result!). After that, I started looking at my business cases from a view of […]

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Soul Food – The Universe is not Stingy

Heather — Thu, 05 Sep 2013 17:17:18 +0000

“The Universe is not stingy. We are. Some of us have very stingy souls. Perhaps not in how we treat others – our family, friends, and those less fortunate — but in how we treat ourselves. Yet how can Spirit give more to us if our fists, hearts, and minds are clenched tight? Abundance is about finally learning how to release feelings of poverty and lack and replace them with feelings of prosperity and affluence”. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach Today be kind and patient with yourself. Do not beat yourself up. Don’t be so afraid that you will screw up or that life will get worse. Let yourself believe that you are a wonderful, worthy soul that has the best of everything headed your way. Fake it if you can’t fully believe or grasp it. Every night before you go to bed repeat, “I am a wonderful, generous & worthy person that has the best of everything headed my way.” Then visualize what “the best of everything” looks like in your life. Don’t judge yourself and if negative thoughts come your way, gently push them aside and get back to your mantra.

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Your own Lightening Bolt

Heather — Sun, 01 Sep 2013 20:58:07 +0000

I am completely inspired today after watching ‘Super Soul Sunday’ on OWN this morning and Oprah’s interview with Panache Desai. What a wonderfully inspiring man. For the last 5-6 years, I’ve heard from people frequently that I have an “aura”. Usually this was in a bar and I figured it was some kind of sexual frequency (or maybe just pickup lines). But then I’d hear it from co-workers as well as family members. I guess there must be something more to it than sexual energy. I then thought it was about self-confidence. I’ve always been blessed with self-confidence and have been told on more than one occasion that I exude this self-confident energy. Ok, then new theory, maybe that is what it is about. Then it dawned on me that this “aura” that attracts people to me like bees to a flower, came about or became more pronounced after I started becoming more spiritually aware. Also, as I mentor others at work and in life, I find myself seeing past all their “stuff” (we all have it) and seeing their “aura”. It’s funny how it is generally much easier to spot it in others than ourselves. Back to Panache – he believes we all have this beautiful “soul signature”… this vibrational energy that is perfect, unique and magnificent. He says that we don’t need fixing or need to learn to be good but at some point we have to believe that we are enough. That we are enough. You are enough. He talked about the Harry Potter series being his most inspirational books. Because we are all special, we all have that lightning bolt on our forehead. We all are magical. We just have to believe. I love that. You are enough. You are a wonderful, magnificent human being. You have a soul signature that is unique. By finally believing & knowing that you are enough, that you are special, you will become aligned to your soul signature and have your own aura. You’ll begin attracting the glorious life that is waiting for you. And in turn, you’ll help others find their own unique soul signature. I recommend watching Super Soul Sunday each week as well as checking out Panache’s website. http://www.panachedesai.com/ Heather

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Fake it Till you Make it

Heather — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 17:12:43 +0000

About 7 years ago, I went through one of the most difficult times of my life. You know those life altering events such as selling a business, starting a new job, losing a parent and getting a divorce? I had them happen all in a 6 month period. Looking back, I wonder how I survived. But that’s the thing about survival mode, you put your head down and power through it. What else are you going to do? Roll over and wallow in self-pity? Well maybe for a day. But the next morning, it’s just time to drag your ass out of bed and get on with it. Try like hell to put a smile on and if that doesn’t work, just try to keep the grimace off. That is when I really started to understand “faking it till you make it”. By having faith that it would all be ok (what other option was there?) and keep on trudging through, after a while it wasn’t so hard to smile. Before long, you’re singing along to the radio and even have moments where you are truly ecstatic. You savor it more than you ever did because you had the advantage of seeing the contrast. I was thinking about this with regards to living in the present moment. Around this time in my life, it dawned on me that I wasn’t very self-aware and although I had great kids and a very successful career, I wasn’t living my life from a place of passion. I had no idea what my life path was or even what direction to turn to get on the “path”. I was trolling for a new novel at the store one day and came across “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It was absolutlely not in my wheelhouse but something made me buy it. That booked changed my life. It was such a simple concept. Bottom line: pay attention to your life stupid. I’d always been a “go a million miles a minute” person, with five thousand thoughts going through my head at any given time. The simple act of breathing and being by myself started my shift toward self-awareness. I remember reading that book thinking, I pay attention. And then when I started paying attention to my not paying attention. You know, driving home and not remembering the drive because you were re-hashing the business meeting, listening to your kids tell you about their day with your, “uh huh” and “oh good, honey’s” without really hearing a word they had to say. I realized I really had no idea even how to start being self-aware. So I just started faking it. When I was talking to an employee, I’d move away from my computer and sit across from them and actually try to listen and stay engaged. When I went through a grocery store line, I’d actually make eye contact and engage the cashier in some minor conversation. I quit reading email on the way to work (you know you […]

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